Slippers
by CartRAT
Summary: One-shot: What if the tables were turned and it was Usagi who had the unrequited love for Seiya? -COMPLETE-


**So I know I'm notorious for writing fanfics upon fanfics (and sometimes not even finishing them), but I at least finished THIS ONE. Hehe, it's a one-shot so I hope you guys enjoy. **

_Slippers__  
_

The phone kept ringing, and ringing, and ringing, and ring—she hung up. It was unbearable. She could not take hearing his damned answering machine again. Why would he not pick up? Why does he not answer her letters? What is he doing over there? Why is he making her feel this way? There were so many questions, yet no answers. Usagi Tsukino sighed as she wiped an oncoming tear away. Damn life, damn Mamoru, damn it all!

It had been this way for so long; so much had been happening. Ever since her first year in high school it was ongoing battles, drama, and pain: Mamoru left to go to the States to study abroad, a sailor soldier wants to dominate the universe, and now she has to put up with being forbidden to see Seiya. It just never ends. Damn it, it just will not end. The worse was that Mamoru did not return her phone calls or letters; it was so bizarre. He gave her a promise ring and told her he loved her and then he left never to be heard of again. He left her alone to deal with all this negativity. How dare he?!

What kept her almost distracted for a little amount of time was one of her new-found friends and fellow sailor soldier, Seiya. He was known as Sailor Star Fighter, looking for his lost princess from the planet Kinmokusei along with Sailor Star Healer and Sailor Star Maker. Usagi considered him a devilish boy—beautiful looks, gorgeous body, and wonderful charm. He could woo any girl into his bed any day. Usagi seemed to be his new hobby on account that he would tease her and try to win her affection with his arrogant attitude. It was not any serious affection, just something to draw her to him. They went on a couple of dates and had their intimate moments—as in, they talked about their problems. She would delve him into her worries of Mamoru and he would delve her into his obsession with his princess. They shared that one thing of love and lost and picked each other up with having one another. Yet it almost seemed to Usagi that she was the only one with another bigger problem.

She loved Seiya.

She loved him with all her heart and soul.

Some would say it is easy to fall in love with a boy like Seiya. He was nice-looking, funny, not to mention part of a singing group that was no garage band that he was the lead vocalist of. Every girl in the nation of Japan would go into convulsions to be in Usagi's shoes as it was an everyday event for her to talk to him. But secretly, Usagi did go into convulsions. He was so swift and beautiful on the inside. The way he talked to her and looked at her was so hypnotizing. Usagi would melt at the sound of his voice, especially when he would refer to her as, "Odango".

Mamoru became a distant memory. It is not like she forgot about him; she just turned to closer matters. Besides, she has not even spoken to him in weeks. Who knows where he is or what he could be doing at this moment. He could be with some tall, slender American girl adorned with big breasts and long legs. At any rate, Seiya was just there. It was inevitable, it really was. Sure, it was destiny that Mamoru and Usagi met and were to marry and have a kid and rule the world, blah, blah… but was it also destiny for Usagi to meet Seiya? Was it also destiny that she would fall in love with some other guy?

But surely, no one knew of her feelings for Seiya. It would be an abomination for Usagi to love someone else. It made her sick at times.

For the last three years, she had been expected to be the savoir of the world and pose this good-girl image as being loyal, optimistic and stupid; with eating as her number one priority, poor grades but awesome power and this entire fate shit. She was expected to love Mamoru, defeat enemies and live out her destined life. Fuck that! She hated it. On the inside, she wished she could be this normal girl with no stupid past of forbidden love and princesses and no future of marriage and more princesses and be with Seiya. Good God, if only she could erase everything. Just start all over and ignore ever seeing Luna and not pay attention to what a talking cat had to say. Just walk on by and purchase some jewelry or whatever happened that first day of being Sailor Moon. Oh but, whatever. WHAT-THE FUCK-EVER!!!

Usagi sighed and abandoned her stuffed rabbit on her bed. She picked up her raincoat from the back of her desk chair and made her way out of her room, out of her house. The sky was pouring that night. Even only being out for about a minute, it was as if she had another shower. She ran down the street to the last house on the corner where a phone booth stood on its lonesome. She squeezed inside and shut the door tightly behind her. And as if her brain left her skull, she just stared at the phone.

What was she going to do? What was she expecting? She had planned on calling Seiya and asking to see what he was doing for the night. Maybe if chance would have it, they could possibly spend some time together. God, she was hopeless; completely and utterly… hopeless. She was torn between two men: Mamoru not even trying to contact her and Seiya being too distracted with his princess—God forbid they ever pay attention to her. Her problems on this earth seemed to hold no purpose. She knew she was going to defeat all evil and live forever. So why? Why deal with all this pointless shit of loving and hurting? Did God plan her life just so He could toy with her mind and feelings? And now she was blaming God. As if there was one… she knew the guardian of time, the princesses of planets, and that chaos itself was out to kill her. What other powerful being could be out there she did not know of?

But now, now all that did not matter. All she wanted at this point was to talk to Seiya. She wanted him to make fun of her and at the same time, tell her everything will be okay. And maybe take her in an embrace and stroke her hair and rub her back to make her fall asleep as she dreamed of a better life. A life with him was better than anything in this world. Just he himself is better than anything. Rei, Ami, Minako, Makoto… MAMORU did not even matter to her at this point. She just wanted to be happy. Knowing she was with the person that she cares about the most—that was happiness.

Finally she picked up the phone and dialed those sacred digits. Her cold, wet, pale fingers pushed the cold metal buttons slowly as she heard into the receiver the loud, annoying beeps they made. It was slow, as she would second-guess herself as she pushed every number through the public telephone line to connect with his personal line. She thought ahead of sniffing his dark ebony hair as she snuggled against his warm body and staring into those deep sapphire eyes that held so much passion—such passion that was not for her. He knew it, they knew it, the whole world knew it and SHE knew it—a love not meant to be.

It rang,

And rang,

And rang,

And rang,

And rang,

And rang,

And rang,

And-

She could not take it anymore. WHY DID NO ONE ANSWER THEIR DAMNED PHONE?!!! She hung up the receiver and slammed her fist into the phone. Her forehead rested on top of it as she finally broke down and let the tears stream down her pale face freely. It was too much—WAY too much. Why did she have to set herself up for this? Why did she fall for the wrong guys? It always seemed like she cared for them more than they could ever give a damn for her. A piece of her heart was in everyone's hands and they could not even give a damn… Seiya, why? Why do you do this to her? Warp her love around your finger and all you do stick it in your pants pocket and forget about it forever as you throw it in the washer for it to get ruined. Take her heart and care for it, yet hang it up with all the other hearts you have cared for. And even then, it is not the most important heart. But, by God, why do you not answer your phone?! She needed him so much right now.

Usagi was tired of all the metaphors and symbols. She wanted closure, to settle, to laugh, to smile, to feel good… She wanted Seiya. Her nails painfully dug into the hard metal of the phone as her whole cold body shook and sunk below to the lower half of the telephone booth. She leaned against the glass window and took heavy sighs to calm her soul. The glass fogged up as her hot breath hit the cold surface. Her stomach and heart felt as if they wanted to turn inside out as her throat closed up. She was in so much pain. She wished that there was some drunkard out that decided to drive up on this very sidewalk and smash into the phone booth, killing her. Maybe getting struck by lightning had a better chance of happening.

He was probably asleep… with her, his princess. His beautiful, lovely princess that smelled oh-so-nice when Usagi met her. Damn her, too. Seiya was so obsessed with even the thought of her. It was her he was singing his heart out for, it was her he lived for and it was her he loved. At first, Usagi sympathized with him missing his princess as she had missed her Mamoru, but now she had wished that maybe they could have shared something more. Even if they just held hands or had meaningless sex just once out of their pains for someone else, it would have sufficed for her. Even if he cried out Kakyuu's name… she just did not care. She just wanted to be close to him and to have him all to herself even for just a little bit, even if he did not love her for very long; just him.

She stood up and closed her raincoat tightly around her body. Her arms folded as to keep her coat from opening and she was on her way out of the telephone booth. It was no use anymore tonight. It had been a long and eventful day. Usagi could only imagine what tomorrow would hold for her. She had feared that her fellow soldiers had the inclination that she would be attacked again by one of Galaxia's minions. She thought best to get some sleep. The raindrops felt nice on her body as so wash away all of her pain and desperation. It had only come to her recently that she forgot to put on some slippers. Her toes and feet were deathly white as all the blood rushed to the inside of her body for warmth. To top it off, they were numb from the cold. But who really gave a damn? Certainly not Usagi.

---

The next day would be labeled: terrible. Usagi could not find her black slippers for school. She had to walk around in her assigned white school slippers before and after school as well. It was against the rules to wear your slippers outside of school grounds and she got caught by her first period teacher. She was lucky she did not get sent home. Also Ami, Minako and Makoto came equipped with gas masks, anti-criminal spray and personal bodyguards for protection against Tin Nyanko. As if she would be attacked in the bathroom of all places. Usagi appreciated all they did, but she could not care if she died today even if she tried. And why? The Starlights had planned on leaving school this day and that really made everything worse. She might not ever see him again. Oh what is she saying? She WILL NOT ever see him again.

But was she really that helpless? Could she not make a simple and rational decision between feeling sorrow and feeling happiness? Could she not defend herself against one of Galaxia's minions? But it did not matter and it was not her fault. Her friends were trying to look out for her. And the thing with falling in love with Seiya, well, that was just completely stupid of her. She should have known better.

She should have known better.

"Usagi, are you okay?" She was met with the big, curious blue eyes of Minako. Her head had been buried into the corner of a wall as it looked pretty suspicious against most of the students that gathered around the lawn in the front of the school.

Usagi turned around and rubbed her head of the area that was imprinted of the wall pattern. "Yeah… why do you ask?"

"Well, you're standing here all by yourself in the corner with your back turned to everyone." Minako looked pretty concerned. Then again, she was concerned for the whole day.

Soon, Makoto and Ami came running over. "Usagi, what's wrong? We saw you rubbing your head!" The tall brunette stated.

"Hold on. I have a first aid kit in my book bag." Ami bent down and unbuckled her bag in a hurry.

"Guys, stop! It's okay, really. I'm fine! Please…" Usagi could not take it anymore and tried to stop her friends from helping—or more rather, freaking out.

"I leave to go to the bathroom and I'm not even gone for two minutes and she's already out of your sight!" Minako turned to Makoto and Ami and spited them for their mistake of letting Usagi walk about five feet to the corner of the wall.

"What're you saying? My class let out late and you were already here with Usagi when I came out!" Makoto argued.

"I caught my teacher to tell him he made a mistake in grading my math test." Ami blushed.

"Oh, so the welfare of Usagi comes in second to your tests?!" Minako might have been enjoying her power trip a little too much.

"What're you saying?! Usagi's welfare is important to me!"

"At least she was out here. You went inside!" Makoto stuck up for Ami.

"I HAD TO PEE!!"

Usagi sweat-dropped as she sighed in exasperation. She chuckled to herself as she unwillingly caused this ruckus. "Guys, do you really think I'm that incompetent?"

All the girls fell silent and looked to their leader. Each of them looked at each other with an apologetic expression and no other words needed to be said. They all felt ashamed.

"Well, we just don't want anything to happen to you while Mamoru is gone," Minako answered.

Oh God, look what she did. She said the "m" word. Usagi sighed and now she got even MORE depressed. She forgot about that guy for a bit, but she still could not help missing him. They did have a lot of good times together and undoubtedly he displayed his love for her a numerous amount of times. But thinking of Mamoru made her think of Seiya since they had such striking physical resemblances. Usagi leaned against the wall and looked down at her white slippers. Her friends could clearly see that Minako said something wrong.

"You guys, I think I want to be alone." Usagi stated. She did not wait for her friends to respond as she padded her way through the crowd and back into the school.

---

She slowly walked into the girls' locker room. It had already been cleared out on account that school ended. From inside, Usagi could hear thunder from an oncoming storm approaching. It echoed throughout the huge locker room as the noise frequencies bounced off the rows of hollow metal boxes. In a way, it sort of comforted the torn moon soldier. She could not go back out there with her white slippers as she feared that there would be a Saturday detention if she was caught again. She simply did not have time for any of those. She needs to save the world and all.

Usagi slowly slipped off her shoes and put them into her locker. Now her feet were almost bare as the silk socks provided no additional warmth, no additional comfort and conclusively no additional purpose. She remembers going shopping and completely going nuts over the socks as she saw them in a bag with five other additional pairs. They were the frilly kind that had little rabbits on the inside that would be shown to the world when they were folded over. And they were silk. She remembers being with Mamoru as he bought them for her because he was happy for her excitement. Dear Lord, she really did not want to think about him again.

She made her way out of the locker room and decided to go to the school rooftop for further pondering. Yeah, her brain could use more of that-NOT. But it was all it was consumed by and if she had the time, she had the time. On her way up the stairs, she felt a nail almost pierce her skin. It was rather sharp and Usagi let out a little yelp as it did poke through her silk sock and barely through her heel. Just what she needed—Tetanus. In a fritz, she threw the nail down the flight of stairs and resumed to her journey upward and onto the roof at a faster and more careful pace.

The thunder kept on rumbling throughout the city and the wind cooled down a few degrees. She let out the millionth sigh as she stared down at the school courtyard below, seeing the students' hustle and bustle homeward or to the library; seeing friends unite before going for a cup of coffee; seeing lovers embrace and kiss before a night out on the town. Damn them all for their happiness. Why could they not be suffering along with her? It was terrible to see everyone live on normally, live on without pain. Usagi just needed this day to be over. At times, she felt as if she should try jumping off the rooftop. Maybe she would be able to fly and she never knew because Luna never told her. Maybe she could fall and someone would catch her or break her fall… maybe Seiya would be the one. Or maybe she would just fall and die.

Why did she let Seiya do this to her? Why is he happy without her? What does Kakyuu have that Usagi does not? Did he not know how much he put her through, or did he? Was he considered a Casanova on Kinmokusei before he worked on Usagi on earth? He made her think all sorts of crazy thoughts and do all sorts of crazy things: she resented people that were happy when she was not and he brought her to the brink of hating her silent, supposed-destined lover. Seiya would tell her things along the lines of: "I like your light" and did he expect her NOT to be drawn to him? Stupid men and their stupid ploys. Stupid Seiya. Stupid, beautiful, wonderful Seiya. Damn them all!

"Why don't you contact me? I'm too sad by myself."

Was she talking about Mamoru or Seiya? Not even she knew.

"Sorry to interrupt, but quiet-time's over!" Tin Nyanko sought out Usagi on the roof and was armed and ready for battle and to kill.

Okay, maybe Usagi did not want to die quite yet. "Moon eternal, make up!"

"How about we play a game? It's called 'let's look at each other's star seed'; guess what, you're first!" Tin Nyanko threw an attack at Sailor Moon as she narrowly missed it. Sailor Moon really did not have the energy, nor was in the mood to fight. But she was not in the mood to die either. She considered her friends and loved ones and the whole world in her death. Nothing would turn out good as she was counted on to save all of them. If you want to save something, you save yourself first.

"C'mon, just stay still and it'll be quick and painless!" Tin Nyanko threw another attack. Again, Sailor Moon barely dodged it. She could not find a good time to heal her.

And then in a blink of an eye, a rose came flying threw the air and struck Tin Nyanko and stopped her advancing attacks.

A rose? Tuxedo Mask? It could not be! You are supposed to be in America studying, with some big-breasted long-legged American girl. You are supposed to not care. You are supposed to be-…

Sailor Moon finally looked up and saw the owner of the rose.

"Seiya?"

---

So there they were: the two love-sick puppies sitting with each other. The rain now started to pour harder, the enemies were now out of the way and now… what next? Usagi rubbed a blister behind her heel that she acquired from her soldier boots as she sat against the railing of the roof, staring at her beloved wonder. Seiya sat beside her exhausted and wet.

"It's all so surreal now—to have gone without her for so long and now have her back. It was if she was never gone. But I'm so glad to see her."

Usagi looked down as the rain mixed in with her tears. She did not want him to know she was crying. She sat shaking like a wet cat and Seiya did not seem to notice anything as he continued talking on and on about Princess Kakyuu.

"I mean, you try so hard to look for someone or to talk to them. At first it seems futile but in the end, it usually pays off. What do you think, Odango?"

She kept her stare down at her bent knees. Her whole uniform was wet now and she was shaking uncontrollably from the cold. She then blew her cover of not crying by letting out a sob. Why did she have to do this? Why did she have to be such a baby? Boys did not like little girls. She felt so imprisoned in her own mind—in her own heart. She was so afraid of rejection, of being alone, of not getting what she wanted. Her life was supposed to be a fairytale, not some soap opera. She was supposed to love Mamoru, not Seiya. Not him. Not the wonderful guy he is. Damn it all, it was too much to keep inside. She needed to tell him. He needed to know. She needed him to know!

"I've never been good at trying hard. I've tried to try hard at studying, but I always end up eating and sleeping."

Seiya chuckled lightly, thinking she was joking. "Well, eating and sleeping is never bad, either." He kept on laughing until Usagi looked up with her reddened eyes, glazed over from her tears. Seiya then abruptly stopped his laughter as a look of concern washed over his face. "Odango…?"

More sobs escaped her mouth as she then fell over. Seiya put his hands on her skinny cold arms to hold her up. He put his head on hers as he tried hard to find reasons behind her uncontrollable crying.

"I thought that I could be all right by myself. But I can't! I can't stand it anymore!" She yelled trying to make herself comprehensible through her heavy breathing and sobbing. She held onto him as if he was to disappear if she let her grip loose. She wanted them to stay like that forever, for him to stay with her forever, to be in love with her… forever.

"Is it Mamoru? Do you miss him?" He asked.

She screamed out loud out of desperation and anger. Why did he not understand? Was love not all-knowing? She did not want Mamoru! She wanted him! She dug her nails into his arm as the rain poured harder, the thunder clapped louder and the lighting struck brighter. Her feet were close to hypothermia as they were numb again and her blister was pulsating. The prick from the nail was feeling painful as well. Usagi scooted closer to Seiya, making her knees touch his and her face only centimeters away. She put both of her hands on his shoulders and looked him square in the eye.

"Am I not good enough?"

Seiya stayed silent, looking as if he did not know the answer to her question.

Oh God, say something! Please say something! Anything! Oh God, why is he so quiet? Why does he not say anything? Did he not hear her? Did he not understand what she meant? Oh but, God, say SOMETHING!

"Am I not good enough?" She asked again.

His bottom lip quivered, probably from the coldness of the storm. His deep sapphire eyes stayed widened in astonishment and his grip on her tiny arms became tighter. He did not know what to say. He honestly was not expecting that kind of question from her. He shifted his weight backwards and leaned back on his feet as he let go of his tight grip on Usagi. She waited in anticipation.

"I… I… I don't know, Odango. I can't… I don't…" Seiya was rendered speechless.

Usagi looked down as she blinked more tears down her porcelain face. Maybe today was not the day to ask. Maybe he was not ready. Or maybe, he just simply did not feel the same way. Whatever the cause, it was just too much for her to bear.

She stood up quickly with Seiya following her upward motion, not wanting her to leave.

"Mamoru has not contacted me yet. I don't know why. I thought he loved me and I thought I loved him, too. You've became so special to me, even as Star Fighter. But no matter, I did the unthinkable of falling in love with you."

And then she ran.

She ended up back in the girls' locker room. She did not know why, but it seemed to be the place her feet carried her to. Usagi cried harder as she lost her energy and fell to the ground. Her sobs and cries echoed throughout the locker room and it seemed as if she could be heard throughout the school if they listened closely to the vents. She hugged her cold, wet body and just let it all out. She screamed and hated herself at the moment for ever falling for any man, for ever telling Seiya, for ever loving in general. She was so stupid and she finally damned herself for being that way. If only she had met him sooner…

She looked around and noticed a lost and found basket sitting by the door. Upon the top laid a pair of black vinyl slippers. On the inside the text, "T. Usagi" was plainly written. Her shoes, she had finally found them. She wiped her tears and nose as she crawled over to the basket and retrieved her shoes. From her place sitting on the floor, she slipped them on; no more blisters, or nails or coldness. No more pain for her feet, no more pain for her heart. She let her heart out from its safe place in the confines of what she knew, and in the end, she got hurt. She lost her protective slippers as she exposed her feet to pain. She let them freeze, be pricked and be rubbed raw of their skin. And it was then that she covered them up to be protected by her close friends, her mission and her destiny. Outside of the slippers laid unrequited love, heartbreak and uncertainty. It will take a while for her feet to heal, but complete healing will come with time and with care.

Her tears had dried finally and she stood up to exit the locker room. It was a long and hard journey, but Usagi came out wise in the long run. She fell in love and felt the pain of heartbreak from a boy who did not care enough. She had already tied herself down, signed the contract and committed to her duties and it was selfish of her to want to give them all up. She will fight as Sailor Moon and will love her current and future lover, Chiba Mamoru. She could not go on feeling forbidden emotions for some other boy. He knew it, they knew it, the whole world knew it and SHE knew it—

A love not meant to be.


End file.
